"Living with the Dragon": The Anger Cure
What is Anger?
Anger is a signal from your
Astral (Emotional) Body
that an important personal boundary has been violated.
Since anger is the guardian of emotions
Motion), it often is
like the great winged dragon that put us on it's back and flies away out of
our control for awhile. It carries us along for awhile until, weary of our
ride through the whirlwind, we stop because we have spent all our emotional
Emotions Closely Related to Anger:
Impatience, Annoyance, Rage
Qualities Need to Resolve Anger:
Love, Forgiveness, Tolerance, Compassion
Astral (Emotional) Body,
What is Anger Trying to Tell You (It's Spiritual Purpose)?
The spiritual purpose of Anger is twofold.
First, anger signals that
some action is needed.
teaches you to manage the actions flowing from your emotions.
From the "emotional" actions that you take, you will either resolve
the karmic issues flowing from the situation or you will create more karma
to be resolved in future.
For if you try to deny your anger, it will turn inward, causing
anxiety, depression, hypertension, and potentially self destructive behaviors.
Yet if you indulge your anger, turning it outward without "moderating",
you may take actions you will be sorry for later (as in "committing
"crimes of passion" or saying things that "cannot be taken back").
How NOT to Respond to Anger:
The most important thing
in responding to anger is to remember that it is a signal, like pain in
your physical body, that is trying to tell you action must be taken.
Whatever action you take based upon the anger signal is something that
you decide to do. Many people get so caught up in the anger that they
simply pass it on… dumping it full force on whoever "caused it".
Although anger at times is an effective tool in dealing with difficult
situations, if used too often, it loses impact. For if you are always
angry, no one can tell the difference between when it is "real" and when
it is just a "knee jerk" reaction. So they will tend not to take you
seriously if you are always angry... compounding your frustration.
How TO Respond to Anger - The Anger Cure:
"Forgive them, God, for they know not what they do"
is the attitude that will most often cut the anger
signal off at the source. The first step in the
journey toward forgiveness
is the realization that anger
is most often born out of ignorance.
* Often anger comes because you are unaware of all the facts or are
* Or you have false judgments or unrealistic expectations about the
* Or you are really angry with yourself but are taking it out on
* Or the anger relates to unresolved past pain and not to what "caused"
* Or the anger is 100% justified based upon what others "did or did not
Relaxation - Breaths:
The quickest way to relax is by
taking deep breaths to bring more life force into your body and thereby
balance your heart rate, blood pressure, hormones, and adrenaline elevated
by the anger response. This will calm your physical and emotional bodies
allowing you to think more clearly. See the
for the "belly breaths" (breathing from your stomach not
from your chest) that will infuse your being with calmness, peace, and
Relaxation - Self Talk:
Often the fastest cure for
anger is "talk yourself out of it". That is done by saying to yourself
silently or out loud "Relax", "Calm Down", "Take it Easy", and so on.
Put your fingers to your heart and feel your heart slow it's pounding as
you cultivation the relaxation response. If you have the time, do the
Reiki Heart Anchor
technique to center yourself in unconditional love.
Relaxation - Stress "Toys":
For those who like to be
hands on, stress toys are a great cure for anger. These are items that
can be manipulated to work off stress. These include: "worry stones"
which can be rubbed, hand vices which can be pressed, rubber balls which
can be squeezed and so on. Better to take our your anger on a stress
toy than on someone who you love and do not want to hurt.
Relaxation - Guided Imagery:
If the situation allows
it, take a few moments to visualize an experience you find profoundly
relaxing. Whether it comes from your memory or your imagination, the key
is to fill your awareness - using as many senses as possible (see it, hear
it, touch it, etc) - with whatever is guaranteed to make you deeply
happy. Connecting with joy will automatically calm you down.
Relaxation - Music:
If the situation allows it, listen
to calming relaxing music. The key is to listen to the "right" music which
will put you into states of greater harmony. Not all music has this
capability… there is special relaxation music that is guaranteed to soothe
the inner dragon within - see the
Relaxation - Exercise:
If the situation allows it, focus
your awareness on relaxing your muscles. There are many slow meditative
practices (like yoga) that you can do to calm your mind by relaxing your
muscles. If you practice these exercises daily, then you can use them
automatically to calm your anger.
Redirection - Humor:
Laughter is like the bucket of
cold water that when poured over rage will put it's fire out. Using laughter
means finding something funny in the situation to diffuse the anger. Just like
Ally McBeal who visualizes her whining clients as naked babies with rattles
crying ridiculously (funny, right?).
The idea is not to "laugh off" your problems but to use humor to
help calm yourself so you can find more creative solutions. The worst thing
you can do is use humor in a harsh or sarcastic way… that is unhealthy
and will only make the situation worse.
Redirection - Fantasy:
Closely related to laughter is
the use of your "interior universe" to deal with the "miscreants making
you angry". In your world, where you are supreme ruler and unquestioned
authority, you are free to visualize any result that would ease your anger
in the situation.
A favorite technique of mine is to imagine the miscreants
on the floor before my throne, kissing my toes as they apologize.
The idea is not to visualize harm to another or to send violence into the
universe with the intention of manifesting it but to use fantasy to relieve
internal tensions so you can solve the problem.
Redirection - Timing:
Timing is everything in life and
in anger management. Anger always wants to be dealt with right away.
Often, that is a good thing for "justice delayed is justice denied". And
yet, putting it off until a better time often will get you what you want
sooner, easier, and more effectively.
Taking a "time out" to decide the best way to respond to the situation
just increases the chances that you will get what you want. Choosing not to
argue with someone when they are tired or ill or stressed out honors them
and opens them to listen to you. If that means going to bed on your anger,
ask your guides and angels to help you wake up with a better solution to
resolve the angry situation.
Redirection - Avoidance:
Sometimes the best way to deal
with anger is to choose to remove yourself from well known sources of it.
If your spouse's snoring is robbing you of sleep, bed down in another room.
If your child's messy room infuriates you, shut the door and walk away. If
driving through a congested area makes your pulse pound, find an alternate
route or take public transportation. Learning to avoid the adiaphora ("minor
and unimportant things") in your life will help to drain the anger from it
and make your interior universe a better place to be.
Redirection - Personal Space:
Be sure to schedule
"personal time" when you know you need to reduce stress. All
working people should have a standing rule that when they come home from
work, for the first 15 minutes, "nobody talks to them except in the event
of a nuclear holocaust." After this brief quiet time to decompress from
the workday, the demands of home life can be better handled.
Redirection - Black/White Think/Speak:
Be honest with
yourself… do you suffer from "black/white think/speak"? Do you frequently
use the words "always" and "never" when talking about a situation you are
in? The truth is "always" and "never" are not just inaccurate, they serve
to fuel the fire of your anger and alienate people who might otherwise be
willing to help you. If you "always" think a situation is hopeless and
"never" speak of a solution, you just keep the problem alive.
Expression - Logical Problem Solving:
The truth is that
getting angry is not going to solve anything, that anger cannot make you
feel better, and that anger usually makes you feel worse. Anger is telling
you that there is a problem to be solved. Since it is a spiritual principle,
that every problem contains the solution within it, the best thing you can
do is to search for the solution.
Where the solution can often be found is
in the "Demilitarized Zone" that exists between the positions of the angry
parties. So put on "Mr. Spock's Logic Glasses" and look at the problem from
the other person's point of view. Shifting perspective from
"you-emotions-feelings" to "other-logic-thinking" opens you up to solving the
problem. Just be patient with the process and give it your best.
Expression - Open Ears/Open Heart:
in an appropriate way means "opening your ears to open your heart". Anger
thrives when you jump to and act on inaccurate conclusions based upon
So slow down and open your ears: listen to what is
underlying the anger on your "side" and on the other "side". So often
the "stated" issue is not the real one (ie. "I said I am angry because
you forgot my birthday, but I am really angry because I fear you do not
love me"). As you listen, you can slow down, think carefully about what
you want to say, and take your time before answering. Then open your heart
being less concerned to "defend your position" than to solve the problem
Expression - Rightness vs Effectiveness:
anger like thoughts and feelings that you are "morally right" and that
others who "block the light of right" must be "dealt with". Nothing is
harder to do than argue with someone who is right because they are "right,
right?". Here is where you must make a choice: is it more important to be
right or to be human?
When you choose to be human, you are creating a space
for others to be "wrong" and for them not to share in the "rightness of
your cause". Often when you are right and choose to back off a bit, you
give them an opening to see your side of things. If you are in fact right,
that should be apparent and they may well surprise you by seeing things
your way. And if they do, is that not much more effective for you in achieving
your goal? You are darn right it is!
Expression - Needs vs Demands:
Angry people express
their demands, calm ones express their needs. When you say to someone
"I demand" or "I must have", you automatically put them on the defensive
because you have attacked them. Since they must defend themselves, they
have no time or space to consider your point of view. Yet when you say
to someone "I need" or "I want help", you invite them to be generous and
helpful and to think well of themselves (for you just told them that they
are needed and important, right?). You open their time and space to help
achieve your goals (better for you, right?).
Expression - Be Cool:
There is a fine line between
being assertive (asking for what you want in a way honoring others)
and being aggressive (promoting your needs at the expense of others).
What usually keeps an assertive person from crossing the line into
aggression is their willingness to be "calm, cool, and collected" because
they trust that God is "out there" to support the fulfillment of
Expression - Ban Verbal Violence:
When you swear, curse,
exaggerate, over dramatize, or "blow things out of all proportion", you
are committing verbal violence.
And "violence in the voice is often
only the death rattle of reason in the throat." (John Boyes)
If you choose to ban verbal violence from your
beingness, you have automatically put yourself into the space of being
the solution and not the problem. And that is the whole point of anger…
to motivate you to solve problems in more creative and peaceful ways.