Rules #22d: Living the Way of
Dharma by Building Character
"We must become the change we want to see."
(Mohandas Gandhi)
From Karma to Dharma...
Karma
is designed to bring us all onto the way of
Dharma, the path of CoWorkership with God. The
"pain and suffering"
of karma are designed to teach us how to live
within the laws of karma. Learning to live a
karma free life
ingrains in us a deep and abiding respect for
the law so that we always stay within it's bounds. This creates
empowered living.
For only by staying inside it's bounds can
we become free of it. Once we can handle this freedom responsibly,
do we get
off the road of karma
and move onto the path of Dharma.
The way of Dharma is the way of CoWorkership
with God in loving service to and respect for all life by
building character.
Civilization:
Fair guidelines and firm boundaries from
society that build character.
Morals:
The five sets of morals needed to heal your
karma & relationships.
Manners:
The six sets of manners needed to heal your
karma & relationships.
Ethics:
The perils of group imposed codes of conduct
for the individual.
Politeness:
Why this time honored "oil of life" cuts through
karma like magic.
Tolerance:
Why this is a stepping stone toward having
unconditional love for life.
Kindness:
The seven ways you can practice kindness on a
daily basis.
Compassion:
The five ways you can practice compassion on a
daily basis.
"The first human who hurled an insult instead of
a stone was the founder of civilization." (Sigmund Freud)
Civilization teaches "good karma" through fair
guidelines and firm boundaries that build character.
*
"Civil" in Civilization:
When people think of civilization, they think
of laws, courts, judges, and police. They think of trials where the
actions and inactions of conflicting parties are weighed and balanced
and judgments are rendered. They think in terms of their rights and
freedoms as determined by their society.
*
"Civil" in Daily Life:
Yet, on a daily basis, most people do not need
to be controlled by laws. What truly creates civilization are the
codes of conduct they live by. These codes come from three sources…
all of which are important.
*
Morals:
Morals are a code of conduct (created by a
society or a religion) which is accepted by an individual to guide
their behavior. Morals are based in duality: they teach us how to
know "right from wrong", how to discern "good from evil", and how to
act with "love, kindness, and respect" while avoiding "hate,
cruelty, and dishonor". Morals help us discern what is and what is
not like love.
*
Manners:
Manners are a code of conduct which encourages
an individual to show genuine interest in others and to ensure
words/actions always help and never hurt. A person can be certain their
manners are exactly as they should be when others feel they have acted
politely. Good manners are the hallmark of civilization.
*
Ethics:
Ethics are a code of conduct (created by a group)
which offers rules, principles, or ways of thinking that guide the
actions of an individual. Ethics may have a moral component but often
do not. Ethics are
"group think"
which can only be judged as good or evil based
on their results (as judged by society or religion).
The individual's character can only be
judged by their consistent conduct:
*
Politeness:
You are civilized when you are always courteous
and polite and when "Please" and "Thank You" are words that you frequently
speak and always mean. Civilized people always act as a "guest"
wherever they go, being mindful - that when others help them - to
express proper gratitude, appreciation, and respect for their time,
energy, and attention. Politeness is the hallmark of civilization.
*
Tolerance:
You are civilized when you are have respect for
all ways of life, for all kinds of people, and for all systems of belief.
Civilized people understand that for society to function we all must
coexist despite/because of our differences.
*
Kindness:
You are civilized when you are always kind and
when you want the best for yourself and others in equal measure.
Civilized people want to give and receive kindness, to create
"win-win" scenarios, and to act as a role model of proper conduct by
following fair guidelines and by enforcing firm boundaries.
*
Compassion:
You are civilized when you are consistently
think, speak, and act from the desire to help another out of love and
love alone. Civilized people act from compassion which is the highest
form of love. Compassion is what karma and reincarnation mean to
teach us as we build our character one life at a time.
"Morals are the compass which guides us safely
through the rocks and shoals of life." (Anonymous)
Do you think morals are an old fashioned thing?
If so, you are navigating life with a broken compass.
*
Morals Defined:
Morals are defined as a code of conduct (usually
created by a society or a religion) which is accepted by an individual
to guide their own behavior. Morals are based in duality: they teach us
how to know "right from wrong", how to discern "good from evil", and how
to act with "love, kindness, and respect" while avoiding "hate, cruelty,
and dishonor". Karmically, morality points us in the direction of "good"
karma and away from "bad" karma.
*
Love vs Unlike-Love:
Each situation we face in life presents us
with a choice. By the choices we make, we are either choosing a loving
action or an unloving one. Morals guide us toward loving actions by
challenging us to do the "right/good" thing and so - at the same time -
they also guide us away from unloving actions.
*
Kindness vs Unlike-Kindness:
Each person we meet in life presents us with
an opportunity to say kind words and do kind actions. Morals challenge
us to do random acts of kindness: a smile, an encouraging word, a polite
action, a helpful idea, and so on. All of the kind actions prompted by
morals are free but priceless.
*
Joy vs Unlike-Joy:
Each moment we create our experience of what it
is like to be us. The moral imperative of karma is joy. Karma pushes
us to create better circumstance for ourselves: vibrant health, abundant
wealth, blissful relationships so we can know more joy. Morals
guide us toward successfully achieving all these.
*
Respect vs Unlike-Respect:
Each life experience tests our ability to respect
our rights and the rights of others. Morals show us how to navigate
successfully through the sea of life by balancing our needs and
theirs. This allows the moral person to win friends, influence people,
and to manifest their dreams into reality.
*
Awareness and Discernment:
The end result of what morality has to teach
us is greater awareness and discernment of what it means to show
love, kindness, and respect and so to create a life full of joy,
wisdom, and awareness.
"Manners or etiquette ('accessibility, affability,
courtesy, propriety, refinement, and captivating behavior') call for no
large measure of moral determination… They are a means of developing
virtue...." (Immanuel Kant)
Do you think manners are an old fashioned thing? If so, you are
closing doors instead of opening them.
*
Accessibility:
When you are practicing good manners, you are
making others feel comfortable with you. Your manners make others feel
as if you are always approachable. You make them feel as if they can
always call on you whenever needed and that you will always be there
for them as a true friend would always be.
*
Affability:
When you are practicing good manners, you create
the impression that you are warm and kind. Your manners make others
want to be your friend because you have that magnetic personality. You
make them feel welcome as if they are "at home" with you and that all
they say and do will be received kindly.
*
Captivating:
When you are practicing good manners, you are
"ingratiating" yourself (antique). Your gracious manners make you
welcome whenever you go and always ensure you are invited back. Your
manners make others feel your gratitude. Your sincere thankfulness
motivates others to want to help you more.
*
Courtesy:
When you are practicing good manners, you are
always courteous and polite. "Please" and "Thank You" are words that
you frequently speak and always mean. You always act as if you are a
"guest" wherever you go, being mindful that when others help you, you
must express proper appreciation.
*
Propriety:
When you are practicing good manners, you are
acting "properly" according to the customs of the day. When what you
say and do is regarding as "proper" by most people, you know that you
are acting with "propriety". To be proper, your conversation is on
pleasant topics that include everyone in the group.
*
Refinement:
When you are practicing good manners, you are
acting with "refinement" (antique). Where you can speak intelligently
on current topics, when you show genuine interest in others, and when
your words always help and never hurt, you are being refined. When you
leave others certain that you have acted politely, you can be certain
that your manners are exactly as they should be.
"An individual without ethics is a wild beast
loosed upon the world." (Albert Camus)
Do you think ethics are an old fashioned thing?
If so, then you are underestimating the group dynamic.
*
Ethics Defined:
Ethics are defined as a code of conduct created
by a specific group that the group expects its individual members to
follow. There are many systems of ethics: national (what fellow
countrymen view as civilized behavior), professional (what organizations
have defined as proper workplace behavior), and social (what peer groups
such as families and friends expect). Often different sets of ethics
will not only conflict with one another, they will conflict with morals
and manners… and the individual must choose between them.
*
Source:
Ethics are "imposed" on the individual by an
external social system (although they can choose to internalize them).
Ethics are not inherently right or wrong but derive their "rightness"
from the shared beliefs of the group.
*
"Rightness":
The "rightness" can change depending on the
leadership and composition of the group… and may not be rooted in
any set of principles. The "rightness" is highly dependent upon the
needs and the agenda of the group. This kind of pressure invariably
leads to the worst kind of karma for the individuals pressured by
their group to do what they might not do on their own.
*
Group Think:
Ethics are vulnerable to "group think" pressure.
Individuals can be forced to follow the rules imposed by the group that
conflict with their morals. For example, following the ethics of the
Nazi's, the German population was turned into "Hitler's willing
executioners" who collaborated in the destruction of non-Aryans.
*
Group Hazing:
Ethics are vulnerable to "group hazing" pressure.
Individuals can be forced to follow the practices of the group that
normally they would not participate in. For example, following the
ethics of the "frat" many a student has died during what should have
been harmless initiation rituals.
*
Guru Influence:
Ethics are vulnerable to "guru influence"
pressure. Individuals can be forced to follow the rules imposed by the
group by the authority of its leader. For example, following the ethics
of the People's Temple, the followers of its leader, Jim Jones, all
committed suicide to prove their loyalty to the group.
"Love is a choice you make from moment to moment."
(Barbara De Angelis)
Politeness is often one of the first casualties
of bad karma… when it could have been a useful lifeline.
*
Welcome to the Jungle:
For most of my life, I have been hacking my way
through the (seemingly) endless and treacherous rainforest of my "bad"
karma with a machete of toughness, tenacity, and grim determination.
I thought that this hard knock life left no room for politeness but I
was dead wrong. My lack of politeness just made things tougher than
they had to be during my time in the karma jungle.
*
Oil of Life:
Politeness is the "oil of life" that helps human
relationships function smoothly. For when you are being polite, you are
showing others that you respect and value them. This helps them to feel
more comfortable with you and it gains their cooperation. This helps
life to flow around you as smoothly as oil.
*
Karma Regulator:
Politeness helps you to be and show more love.
When you are polite, you automatically only say what is true, necessary,
and kind. When you are polite, you automatically only act in honorable
ways: ways that are the hallmark of the gentleman/gentlewoman. Quite
simply, politeness creates "great" karma.
*
Sets You Apart:
Politeness is attention getting. Did you know
that writing a "thank you" note for a job interview really impresses
potential employers? Being consistently polite is a rare thing in modern
times: it helps you to win friends, influence people, and to travel with
"ease and grace" through your life.
*
Save Energy:
Politeness is "green": it saves precious life
energy. Did you know that anger and other negative emotions burn life
energy while love and other positive emotions increases life energy?
If you want to live a long life then politeness is one of the best
things you can do to achieve your goal of longevity.
*
Always Time:
If you think that politeness takes too much time
and effort, it does not. There is always time to say "Thank you", to
speak a kind or encouraging word, to give up your seat to someone who
needs it more, and so on. Think of politeness as going on karma diet:
the more you practice it, the more karma you will burn off and the more
you will refine and build your chracter.
"The highest result of education is tolerance."
(Helen Keller)
Tolerance is an important stepping stone toward
having unconditional love for all life.
*
Teaching Tolerance:
Teaching tolerance is a key purpose of
reincarnation and the laws of karma. For tolerance and compassion are
the keys to learning pure love. What you cannot tolerate, what you
have no compassion for, what you resist or hate, persists until the
wheels of karma and reincarnation grind it out of you.
*
Resists=Persists:
Chances are you have come into the present
life as someone-something you resisted or hated in a past life. What
you resist or hate now, you will reincarnate into in a future life.
For example, the Women's Movement today is populated with former
Victorian men who thought that "barefoot and pregnant" was good enough
for women. Now they must live with the restrictions in the present
as women that they helped to create in the past as men.
*
Experiential Learning:
There is only one way for anyone to truly
understand what it is to be man or woman, rich or poor, in sickness or
in health, and so on. That is for someone to live through that experience
for a lifetime having forgotten that they agreed to do it in the first
place. That makes it more real because they are that person - for better
or worse - and it is a life sentence with no possibility of parole. So
we all must accept the consequences of our place in life and work to
create-manifest better ones. Learning tolerance is essential to that
manifestation.
*
Order of Operations:
Tolerance precedes compassion because you have
to "stand being around someone" before you can "want to help them".
Compassion precedes love because you need to know how to "care" for and
"like" someone before you can truly "love" them from a deep place in
your heart. Love precedes unconditional love because you need to "love"
someone because of "who they are to you"... before you can love them
just for "who they are."
*
Stepping Stones:
So tolerance is the first big step towards
love and away from the path of negative emotions like anger and hate.
This negativity cannot exist in the same space as tolerance. Once you
are tolerant, you are ready for more love.
"My message is the practice of compassion, love,
and kindness." (Dalai Lama)
Are you ready to experience more kindness in your
life? Start by being kinder to others.
Each person you meet is an opportunity for you to practice kindness.
Here are some easy ways to do this:
*
Kind Words:
What kind word you can say? Say things like
"Please", "Thank you", "I appreciate your help", "You did a great job",
"You are so awesome", and so on. Say them like you mean them (because
you should!).
*
Genuine Compliments:
Give compliments generously. Everyone does
something well. Everyone has a special quality or talent. Everyone can
use praise and encouragement… and rarely do they get enough!
*
Kind Actions:
What act of kindness can you do? Opening a
door for a mom toting a baby or for an elderly person who can barely
walk is kind. Giving up a seat or your place in line for someone who
needs it is also kind.
*
Thoughtful Actions:
Give to someone else what you would like to
receive in their place. Make it a point to cheer others up. Remember
their birthdays and their other key anniversaries. Help them to feel
special and important.
*
Good Manners:
Act as if you were a role model of proper
conduct. Be on time. Be prepared. Be courteous. Be respectful. Be
fully present wherever you are. Be thankful for the gift of others in
your life.
*
Kind Opportunities:
Create "win-win" scenarios wherever you go.
Be willing to forgive wrongs done to you. Be grateful for and praise
blessings granted to you. Be generous where you can with tips for those
who serve you. Share want you know to smooth another's path and make
their life more harmonious.
*
Holy Ground:
Treat the Earth as the holy ground it is. Pick
up trash and put it in its place. Reuse and recycle whenever you can.
Flow useful items you no longer want to others who could benefit from
them. Be kind!
"If you want others to be happy, practice
compassion. If you want to be happy, practice it too." (Dalai Lama)
Are you ready to be more compassionate to yourself?
Start by being compassionate to others.
*
Uplifting Practice:
What wisdom can you share to make things better?
If you have had a similar problem and can share how you solved it with
someone else, this is true compassion. If you hear a negative complaint
and you can turn it around into a positive solution, this is true
compassion. If there is no opportunity for words, can you just smile
at someone who looks unhappy? If you can do all these uplifting things
every day day after day, this is extending true compassion.
*
Similarity Practice:
What do you have in common with whoever you meet?
When you focus on how you are like another - by saying to yourself "just
like this person, I…" - this opens your heart to compassion. When you
focus on what you have in common, this also opens the other person's
heart to compassion. Please remember that we are all human and this
automatically gives everyone something in common with everyone else
despite any seeming differences.
*
Empathy Practice:
Can you walk for a moment in someone else's
shoes? Can you understand why they are feeling pain? Can you realize
this person is lashing out at you because they are hurt and this has
nothing to do with you? If you can put yourself in the other person's
place, this is true compassion. The more you can feel empathy for others,
the more compassion you can extend to them… and the more love you can
give to yourself. Remember compassionate begins with you!
*
Frenemy Practice:
What you can do to think and feel about
enemies as friends? When you have an enemy, they are a reminder of
what you do not like or cannot forgive about yourself. So forgive what
your enemy has done as if you loved them. Extending compassion to an
"enemy" makes "you" your own best friend.
*
Reflective Practice:
How did you show compassion today? Think
about how you treated the people you interacted with whether at home,
at work, on the road, in the store, in the bank, at the restaurant, and
so on. How well did you do in expressing compassion today? What could
you do better tomorrow? What did you learn from demonstrating compassion
today? Regularly reflecting on compassion helps you to be better at
practicing it and experiencing it in your daily life!
From Karma to Dharma...
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