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Exercise: Inner Child Work- Resolving the "To Do"/"To Be" Dilemma

Summary: Reconnecting with Your Inherent Divinity and Worthiness

For Quick Access to This Exercise:

To get to the parts of this exercise you are most interested in viewing, click on the link below to go there. For best results, read through the entire exercise at least once.

Background on This Exercise
Goal of This Exercise
Preparation for This Exercise
How to Do This Exercise
Example of Exercise Results

Background: The most powerful learning I ever received in my life was the only correct answer to the following question. The question was "What is it that makes a person worthy to be loved?" When this question was put to a group of highly intelligent professionals, their answers fell into two categories:

1> "To Do-ers" felt that worthiness was a result of what a person was willing TO DO to get love (as in "I am a good husband because I bring home a good paycheck, mow the lawn, etc").

2> "To Be-ers" felt that worthiness was a result of what a person was willing TO BE to get love (as in "I am a good wife because I am obedient, helpful, and what everyone else expects me to be").

It might astound you to know that BOTH these answers are WRONG. What makes a person worthy to be loved is NOT what they are willing to DO or to BE. What makes a person worthy to be loved is simply because they BELIEVE they are worthy to be loved APART from whatever it is that they are doing or being.

Goal: Every society in the world today falls into the "To Do" (the West) or "To Be" (the East) philosophy. Since everyone in every society has a common need to be loved, the world is full of "To Do-ers" and "To Be-ers". The problem is that at the core of your being is your inner child who needs to be loved because it "is".

Your inner child is an "I am-er" meaning it is worthy to be loved simply because it exists. Love is the only medicine that can cure it's deep wounds. Until your inner child is at peace, it will throw the most mature adult in chaos if it is not recognized, nurtured, and loved. By loving the child inside, you help the adult outside to reconnect with your inherent divinity ("Iam-ness") as God intended.

Preparation: Careful preparation is the key to making it successful for you.

1> Before you attempt to do this exercise, you must decide whether you are a "ToDo-er" or a "ToBe-er" or whether you are both.

If you have aspects of both inside you, then you must do this exercise twice. First handle the "ToDo-er" aspect of yourself one week, REST, and then handle to the "ToBe-er" aspect at least one week later (3 weeks rest is preferable).

2> Do this exercise at night after you have taken a bath but before you have gone to bed. It is best you do it when you will be able to sleep the next day (do it Friday night if you can rest on the weekend).

"Air" person, sweating in a sauna or steam room is good cleansing. [MORE]
"Earth" person, taking a mud bath is good cleansing. [MORE]
"Fire" person, sitting surrounded by lit candles is good cleansing. [MORE]
"Water" person, taking a long shower is good cleansing. [MORE]
......For how to determine if you are Air/Earth/Fire/Water, click here.
......For a list of recommended cleansing products, click here.

4> Being comfortable is the key. You need to wear comfortable, loose fitting clothing. You will also need to do this in a room that has a mirror. Bathrooms work well for this because:

a> there is usually a large mirror,
b> there is always a door so you can be alone, and
c> it is very symbolic of the internal cleansing and healing that you are intending to do.

5> Do this exercise in a peaceful place where you will be completely quiet and undisturbed for the entire session. This session should last for as long as your inner child needs. Since children (even inner ones) have short attention spans, this exercise usually takes less than 30 minutes.

6> ALWAYS ACT with absolute conviction that what you are imagining is REAL. To your inner child, there is NO difference between what is real and what is imagined. This is why a healing IMAGINED can have a REAL result (like the cancer patients who healed themselves by imagining away their disease).

7> Be patient with yourself in the time to come. Healing your inner child can be quite disorienting until the changes are fully integrated. It is VERY powerful and it takes time for the work that you have done on the inner bodies to be reflected in your outer body ("as above, so below").

How to Do This Exercise:

Before You Begin Either the "ToDo" or the "ToBe" exercise:

1> Look at yourself in the mirror and think back to when you were a child (in this lifetime). Give your Inner Child permission to bring the pain you endured when you were either trying "TO DO" or "TO BE" something as a child to get the love that you so desperately wanted.

2> Acknowledge your Inner Child's pain by saying the phrases below with as much passion and emotion as you can while staring deeply into your own eyes:

"I know you are not happy. I respect your feelings."
"I love you. I want to heal you so that you can feel better."
"Please allow me to heal the hurt you hold inside you."

If you are a "ToDo-er" continue below, if a "ToBe-er" click here.

"ToDo-er" Exercise includes the following additional steps:

3> Acknowledge to yourself that if you have

"TO DO" something to get love, then

* what you believe is that ACTION is required to produce a RESULT of love and
* what you fear is ACTIONS are not enough and you fear BECOMING your true self.

4> Fill your memory with incidents where you were made to feel that you were NOT DOING enough. Listen to the voices of others who said you were not doing enough and pay attention to how you feel at your core: where your inner child is.

If you cannot hear the voices clearly, imagine the phrases below being spoken by those who have told you that you were NOT DOING enough.

"No one REALLY likes you for who you are."
"You are a big disappointment: you should have done..."
"People can only like you or notice you for what you do."
"People only like you for what you have / can give them."

5> The only medicine to cure a bad case of "ToDo-ism" is good healthy dose of self acceptance. Most often a "ToDo-er" cannot accept themselves as they are due to a painful rejection by a loved one(s). To heal this pain, the "ToDo-er" will first need to TAKE ACTION to heal the core issue(s). If there is no core incident, then a shorter version of this process needs to be applied:

a> While looking in the mirror, visualize yourself as both your guardian angel (responsible for raising your self acceptance) and your inner child (who has difficulty with self acceptance).

b> Imagine an incident where you as "guardian angel" come to the rescue of you as "inner child". Do everything you can to inflate your inner child's self esteem. As guardian, take the actions or speak the words needed to resolve feelings about the person trying to harm your inner child.

c> Imagine a happy ending to this situation. Be careful not to make people the inner child fears act unrealistically. Act, as the guardian angel, the way an adult can act in the situation to protect the inner child (but in ways the helpless child cannot act to protect themselves).