Past Forward: Get the Key to Your Future


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PARODY PAGE: A Humorous Look at Karma!

All the Pictures are from http://www.ready.gov
Site Concept Inspired by http://www.safenow.org

Karma? Where What You Do to Others is Done Back to You!



Welcome to Earth! Wonder where hell is? Look around you! Congratulations on winning the dream job of a lifetime: being human! While you are at it, feel free to climb out from under the rocks of your past life karma. (Or continue to suffer - your choice!)





It's Karma Time! Let's face it: if your life sucks and you feel trapped with no hope of escape... Turn on that flashlight, wake up, and smell the karma. Go on, smell it! I dare you! (Or reincarnate forever - your choice!)






Not Your Religion? Karma happens whether you believe it or not. Note to Self: Karma will find you hiding under that table. If it collapses on you, you will reincarnate and get another PC! No worries!




Karma? You Cannot Run Fast Enough from Yourself!



Like I am Afraid of the Devil! If you spot this shady character with the scary, evil eyes, relax! You should be more afraid of your karma than this lame idiot. Your sins of commission and omission will get you into more trouble than this clown! He's just a powerless joker!





Who Set That Fire? Dude, you have set yourself on fire. It has always been burning since the world's been turning. You can run, but you can never hide from the flames of karma. Burn, baby, burn off that karma.






You'll Be Back: For those who pass from being into nothingness, they find there is "no exit" from the world of karma and reincarnation. Don't believe in K&R: we'll leave the light on for you because you will be back!




Karma? It's Everywhere You Want to BE (& Where You Don't)!



Think You Can "Wash Your Hands" of Karma? It did not work for Pontius Pilate and it is so not working for you. Ain't enough soap in the universe! The universe never forgets what you have done - DARN! Don't worry, you have 1,000s of years to wise up!





Not Again (Part 1)! Oh man! Your fingers rotted off again! Just when you thought you were done with that Black Plague lifetime. Shoulda watched who you gave it too. Man, that Hand Karma is such a bummer!






Not Again (Part 2)! This man has just got to stop blowing other people's arms off with his cursed landmines that children have to walk across. Maybe a twisted arm and a deformed hand will teach him!




Karma? Attention Terrorists! Repent While You Still Can!



God Loves Whistle Blowers! Save others from being harmed! Expose the scamsters to avoid being ripped off! Rat on the terrorists because the life you save may be your own! Shouting out injustice maketh a joyful noise to the Lord Your God! Just say 'No' to sin!





Sin Lies Within! Don't go there! Don't open that door! Just walk away from sin! Do it! Do it now! If you think karma is not watching you... think again! This is especially true for Terrorists who should pay attention!






Hmmm, To Sin or Not to Sin... Attention Terrorists: is anything really worth having to reincarnate for 1,000s of years to pay off? [This is the estimate for the 9/11 terrorists!] So think really hard before you sin!




Karma? Attention Terrorists! Grow a Heart & a Brain!



Wages of Sin! Attention Terrorists: drop that bomb! So you will come back as dead fish rotting in the ocean... like anyone will feel sorry for you! That's only if you are lucky! There are much worse fates on Earth for you (if - in doubt - just watch the evening news).





Is Leprosy a Bad Thing? Not for suicide bombers who reincarnate as lepers. This is that whole "eye for an eye" thing you have heard tell about! Just walk past their lumps of fallen off flesh: it's all good!






Let the Punishment Fit the Crime! Rather than giving terrorists a cushy life in jail, put the convicted criminals to work! Donate all their hard earned money to the grieving families they harmed. Paying for their sins! Great concept! Me Likey!



Karma? Bad Things Happen to Those Who Do Bad Things!



Cruel and Unusual Punishment? Here is some cool instant karma... Let's put convicted terrorists to work in nuclear facilities without protective clothing. Maybe as they fry they will rethink killing babies!






Chernobyl Now Hiring: Do not let the high levels of radiation and pumped out music stop you. Terrorists, Chernobyl wants to hire you! Can't afford to go there? I'll pay for your ticket! It's a tax deduction! :O)




Karma? Let's Give Chernobyl Style Justice a Try!



It's Not So Bad (Part 1): Terrorists, please know that you can get along with radiation impaired respiratory and digestive systems. Look at it this way: it will bring you one step closer to those "70 virgins" you want!






It's Not So Bad (Part 2): So Chernobyl has the odd cave in as well as the toxic dust. Terrorists, it is good karma to lean into the pain and suffering you have caused others. It's character building!






It's Not So Bad (Part 3): Terrorists, Chernobyl offers daily exercise programs you should be familiar with. First you stand, then you beg on your knees for the mercy you never showed others, then you roll over and play dead unlike your victims who actually died.





It's Not So Bad (Part 4): So the daily discipline at Chernobyl may be a little intense. Sometimes the guards will put you in a broken down car and then electrocute it. Yet, terrorists, you will repay the karma that you routinely inflicted on others... so it is all good.





It's Not So Bad (Part 5): A one-inch thick piece of plywood should not protect you against radiation. Chernobyl just puts it there to get the UN off their back. Terrorists, just move it if it gets in your way.






It's Not So Bad (Part 6): Just in case you think you are going somewhere... here is a map of the local area. See how it is radiation blast all around you as far as the eye can see? You are not going anywhere! Ha, ha!




Karma? When Violence in the Past = Violence in the Future!



"Gates of Hell": So how did things on Earth get to be so bad? Open up a History book and you will see how we created the "Gates of Hell" one violent act at a time. Note to Self: "Those who do not learn from the lessons of the past are condemned to repeat them in the present!"



Akashic Records?: Want to look into your own violent past to make your life better now? Stop cheating on your spouse, padding your expense reports, and stealing tips off the table... then we will talk! Note to Self: Looking all through the Akashic Records is one of my many talents!




Get OFF the Pogrom: Many of those who lose their homes in fires today... once burned down other people's houses in Russian style pograms. Note to Self: This was the origin of the phrase "get on the program!"



Karma? Here is How It Catches Up With You!



Primary Karma: Ever wonder why you have had big problems with your parents or siblings? In past lives, you killed them and they killed you: again and again and again. Death Tennis like this makes for interesting reality TV!





Health Problems: If you are not grasping your throat and pretending to choke yourself to gain sympathy, most likely karma sent you that health problem to teach you lessons. Not that karma will give you a clue as to what they are! (It works that way for everyone.)




Wealth Problems: If you are searching your lawn for change that you dropped, it is time to stop being in denial about your financial problems. Note to Self: Why not take a few moments to break the 250 Vows of Poverty you took to renounce money until the end of time so that you can stop dumpster diving for food and clothes?



Happiness Problems: Relationship on the respirator? Before you are convicted for murdering your spouse, consider the good karma of resolving your problems peacefully. Or just content yourself with emptying their bank account or ruining their reputation. Jail sucks!


Karma? Here is How It Catches Up with All of Us!



Car Accidents: You don't meet a better class of people on the road. Yet if you have karma with them, you can try to pull over and prevent the accident... but eventually it will happen... if you owe them a karmic debt!





Air Pollution: It's a race against the clock. Can you phone for help before you breathe in enough air pollution to shut down your lungs? Be sure to put your physician on speed dial to give yourself a fighting chance for life!





Water Pollution: If you like fish, better eat them while you can. At the rate we are polluting the water and killing off species dwelling there, they are the fast path to extinction! Note to Self: Divest my investment portfolio of all fish and ocean related stocks - immediately!




Land Pollution#1: When you throw something out, just exactly where is out? Could it be in the growing radiation spot in Texas that is visible from space? Well, as long as it is not in New Jersey where I live... it is all good.





Land Pollution#2: When you throw something out, just exactly where is out? Could it be in these alternate spots in Missouri also eeriely glowing in the dark? Well, as long as it is not in New Jersey where I live... it is all good.



Karma? Marie Curie, Discoverer of Radiation, Rot in Hell!



Like We Really Needed to Split the Atom! Atheists have adopted the atom as their symbol: that should be your first clue! Radioactive materials can only poison the Earth - they never can be properly disposed of! Marie Curie, what were you thinking by unveiling radiation?




Fallout Shelter: The New Purgatory! Here is karmic balancing (we do not like to use the word punishment) for Marie and all those scientists who have irradiated and polluted the world with their inventions. Plus let's not forget those who work in cloning and robotics!




Chemical Toxins: One step down from radiation are chemical toxins. Women, stop slathering your face with them (makeup). Men, stop handling them (fertilizer). Someone, stop patenting God's creations (& instilling them with suicide genes!) and privatizing them (like say water!). Grow a brain before chemical toxins rot it!



Hard Drugs: One step down from chemical toxins are hard drugs. If you think that hard drugs are the answer to anything, think paper raincoat in a monsoon! It's true: 30% of all drugs are discarded by the body! So all that creates is expensive pee & poo! Scary!




Nature's Way: Apart from karma, the primary causes of physical illness are toxicity (pollution, chemical products, etc) and deficiency (eating genetically modified junk)! So either start eating natural veggies and drinking fortified juice... or enjoy pills and needles for the rest of your life!


Karma? Time is Not on Your Side: Repent Before It's Too Late!



Do You Know Where Hell is? Right here, of course! If your life sucks and you feel as if you are doing hard time on Planet Earth (like the guy in the picture here), then you know that you have arrived... but there is hope! Just pay attention to the rest of these important announcements!




Turn Off Your Cell Phone! There is a special place in hell for those who kill or maim others while driving and talking on a cell phone. When you are truly important, you can hire a driver and stop being a menace to others on the highway/freeway! Until then, get real!




Turn Off Your Toys! Start paying better attention to those that love you by loving them back. The more attention you pay to your PC, laptop, CD player, and phone, the less you interact with real, actual people. Life goes by so fast: be sure not to miss it.




Turn On Your Life! Although you have many different past lives, you only have one present life in the here and now. Never miss the chance to know and experience more love. For love is what karma is meant to teach us all! Love is why you are here and is where you are going!



Transcend Your Karma! When you have learned and experienced love, joy, and awareness, you are ready to advance from physical existence and take up residence in the inner worlds. There you will find even more love, joy, and awareness! Remember that all you need is love!



This site was inspired by my wonderful web host: Net Atlantic!




 

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